If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize