Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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