It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Randomize
