I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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