im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
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