Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
