tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
