Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Randomize
