So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
