...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
