im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
