my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
