I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Randomize
