I'm lost and stupid without you.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
