Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Vodka?
Forever.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize