The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize