So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
