if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Dignity is for republicans.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
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