My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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