So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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