It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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