you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
