yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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