I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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