Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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