so that wasnt chicken after all
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
