whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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