Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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