Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Randomize
