Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
