There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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