It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
