Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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