here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
