Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
