last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
