i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
