Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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