I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
