and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
