I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
