She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
