Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(613): View more from Ontario

His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that

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(816): View more from Missouri

I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.

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(626): View more from California

dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.

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(216): View more from Ohio

We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber

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(407): View more from Florida

I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.

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(713): View more from Texas

So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me

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(970): View more from Colorado

There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better

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(330): View more from Ohio

Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is

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(313): View more from Michigan

Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.

(313): View more from Michigan

This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.

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