Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Randomize
