She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
