ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Drunk is a universal language darling
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
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