so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
i just google imaged poop.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
