I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
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