he wants to bone in the snuggie
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
