Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Randomize
