dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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