Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
