how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Randomize
