also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
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