i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
