I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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