that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Randomize
