U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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