I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize