considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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