Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
