why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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