I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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