the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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