This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
