shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
