you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Is Oprah even human
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
